Mr. Tux/Transcript
|General}} /OnLine|OnLine}} /Lists|Lists}} /Trivia|Trivia}} /Quotes|Quotes}} /Photos|Photos}} /Transcript|Transcript}} }} ---- Scene I The penguins are racing around the zoo in their vehicle. Skipper: Punch it Private! Private screams while trying to avoid running over a cricket in the road. Private: Awwww! Skipper doesn't know why Private screeched to a stop and gives him a look. Skipper: Private, WHAT WAS THAT?! We could have broken the track record! Cricket chirps his thanks for Private. Private: You're welcome little guy. Scene II: Penguin Habitat Private: sadly Sorry Skipper, I guess nice guys really do finish last... Skipper: That's just nature's way young Private-- A rolling armadillo enters penguin habitat, knocking everyone down then falling into the open hatch. Amarillo Kid: Yeehaw, hole in one! Skipper: Intruder! Amarillo Kid: Sir, I ain't no intruder. I am the Amarillo Kid. Skipper: Should I know you? Amarillo Kid: Only if your name is Mr. Tux. No one notices Private hide. Skipper: Kowalski, my alias portfolio! Kowalski: Let's see, there's Two Bit Hood Jack the Knife, international playbird Diego Garcia, wealthy industrialist Lincoln Douglas, I'm not seeing a "Mr. Tux" here Skipper. Skipper: Perhaps it was that time I woke up in that Kyoto hotel room, on a bed of counterfeit Deutschmarks. Private comes out from hiding. Private: I'm Mr. Tux. Western saloon music in the background sounds. Skipper: Oh yeah, well thanks young private I think I've got this. proceeds to roll under Skipper- knocking him down- and towards Private Amarillo Kid: Hello Mr. Tux, it's been a long time. Longer than a yellow snake in a bowl of red bean chili! Rico: Wha? Amarillo Kid: See, Mr. Tux and me have some unfinished business. Skipper: Our Private? Your business is all finished isn't it Private? Private: No Skipper. The Amarillo Kid and I have been on a collision course for a long, long time. Amarillo Kid: Yeah, that's right. Longer than a yellow... Private cuts him off. Private: Zip it kid! You're wasting your breath. I'm a different man now. Kowalski: Man? But Private is so private-y? What's this about? Amarillo Kid: Mr. Tux knows what it's about. Private: I told you, never again! Private slides away into the hatch. Amarillo Kid: Never say never, unless it's when you're sayin' never to say, never. Huh. out of the zoo as the remaining penguins stare Skipper: Armadillo's are all just whacked out from the scorching desert heat. Scene III: HQ Skipper: Well, Private! What an unexpected dimension this adds to your character. Private: Yeah, I... cuts him off Skipper: I don't like it, I like my men one-dimensional. Works better for me. Rico: Huh? hides a book of stamps Private: I was young and foolish. Kowalski spits his coffee at Private. Kowalski: Sorry! Went down the wrong esophagus. Amarillo Kid rolls into the penguin's headquarters. Amarillo Kid: Here's what we got, two eggs, two flapjacks, two strips of bacon, one smiley face. Pause Might make you change your mind, what d'ya say Mr. Tux? Private: Mr. Tux left nothing but a trail of broken hearts and shattered dreams. Amarillo Kid: You know what, you sure shattered my dreams! Like a big ol', tin plate! Of... dreams. Private: No, I will not play your cursed game, Amarillo Kidd! Amarillo Kid: Well we'll just see about that that dramatic pronouncement and such, Mr. Tux! leaves Skipper: What does he mean, game? Private: It was brutal combat Skipper! And I was the best! But I walked away before it destroyed me... Marlene: in through the door Um, guys I think you better come out here. Scene IV: Topside Amarillo Kid and Julien are playing a game of mini golf. Amarillo Kid's ball goes across a wavy red carpet, and a sideways ladder. Maurice and Mort clap. Skipper: Hey, what's the deal? Amarillo Kid: I'm just warming up on a local, before I whoop Mr. Tux. Skipper: Wait, you mean the brutal combat was...? Private: Mini golf. Kowalski spits his drink in Rico's face out of surprise. Kowalski: Sorry again, I thought he said mini golf? Private: That's right, miniature golf. Kowalski spits in Rico's face again. Skipper: With the windmills and the neon colored balls and the little pencily things. Amarillo Kid: You betcha, now if you don't mind let me sink this putt. Julien: Oh, he's made this interesting. Everybody be interested! Skipper: You mean your betting this nut-ball? Julien: Technically I'm losing everything to this nut-ball, but I can't let that distract me again. Marlene: Julien, he's hustling you! Julien: Oh really! well what makes you think so? Amarillo Kid: Look out, clown's mouth. The Amarillo Kid sinks the ball in with one shot. Marlene: I don't know, just call it a hunch. Julien: Not to worry, I have already doubled down, all I need to do is make this shot. Skipper: Doubled down? Private: But what have you got left to bet? Julien: Nothing that is too valuable, only my loyalist subjects. Mort: Yipee!! Skipper: This isn't fair kid, that shot is impossible. Amarillo Kid: Impossible for him maybe, but not for Mr. Tux. I think I might stuff em' and put them next to my jack-o-lope, and call them lemur-lopes. Private: Wait! Private sinks the putt, then throws down his club. '' Scene V: HQ '''Private': I swore I would never play that infernal game again.'' '' Kowalski spits his coffee again. Kowalski: Oh my bad. I really should just put this mug down. Skipper: Private what could be so infernal about mini golf? Kowalski spits his coffee again, much to Rico's annoyance. Private: No, it wasn't the game. It's what it did to me.... Scene VI: Flashback Private flashes back to his Mini-Golf career. Private (voice over): I started playing for fun, but I was good. I was too good. Pretty soon every young buck who thought he could hit a straight shot came looking for me. And then one day, a young armadillo was playing me tough. And I started to worry. And for the first time I might lose. So I did the unthinkable... He knocks a little girls ice cream off its cone to win the game. Scene VII: Return to Present Private: That was it for me. I just walked away. Marlene: So you quit the game? Private: Yes, forever. Kowalski: Over an ice cream cone? Private: It was a double scoop! Marlene: Couldn't you just buy the girl another ice cream, or...? Private: It wasn't the ice cream! It was me! The pressure of the competition was making me tart and churlish, and yes, I'll admit it, at times a bit snippity. Skipper: Well, Private as utterly ridiculous as that sounds to all of us. ...to be continued... ---- RETURN TO |General}} /OnLine|OnLine}} /Lists|Lists}} /Trivia|Trivia}} /Quotes|Quotes}} /Photos|Photos}} /Transcript|Transcript}} }} ---- THE END OF THE EPISODE ---- Category:Transcripts